Gamble

Friend, do you remember when you had a healer for a boyfriend?

He would want you to cry for him but all you could do was smile for him

You wanted him to stop making everything right for you 

To see your ugly truth the way you see you

You would twist like a pretzel 

Step on his mind just so he would run from you

We talked about that daddy bruise

The weak sensations you saw your mother through

how your eyes reflect what you wish she would do

You told me, eat my mango matter of fact eat spicy fruit

I disliked the word, Mareno so it took me a while

Instead, I found some band-aids for his mind he liked the brown kind

Do you still look like a vampire?

He always loves that side of you

The part not afraid to bite him when he is sarcastic and a bit rude

He still thinks of you

I know he does 

My voicemail is full just like I'm used to

I heard your booty grew 

I heard you miss me too

I finally ate Mexican food

Ate bad gyal food

Loved me like I was preaching 

Guess that's the end of my hypocrite season

Where I spit advice I need to take

Thank goodness my medicine was a dose I could take

Anyway I'm writing you an apology 

It's late

Remember when I said to you 

You get what you ask for every time you were late and I would get your breakfast sandwich 

Do you still put jelly on your croissant?

Or are you still making weird combinations?

Either way 

I finally ate ketchup on my eggs

Slept in some other beds like Goldilocks did

and guess what I found

Your heart 

I told you don't walk around without it

It was next to a bracelet something straight out of hot topic

Anywho I'm sending this without my black nail polish 

So hopefully you don't send it back

I haven't done my nails in months 

So I hope this letter doesn't feel like a coffin 

Matter of fact I wrote it in a way I know our friend would hate

with hella mistakes because I didn't want him reading it anyway because what I really want to say 

Is a pussy power play

Plays I still love those

I still climb the monkey bars 

and I still attempt to swing across

In honor of our short-lived friendship

You were right I don't forget shit

but that's important because I got a stash of love for this letter

mixed in are somethings

Like a little healing 

A little love

A little sarcasm

Dear_______,

I'll leave your name out of this because I know you like to change it like the seasons and you got your reasons. I respect that, so that blank spot is an insert factor. No matter where you are in life it may still apply. I know you don't want forgiveness. You want your truth to stand tall to protect you. You like your fruit and still don't think sweetness belongs to you. Redemption may not be the truth but punishment ain't all you. I hope you don't punish yourself in the name of love, running from what you wanted most. I walk, not run away, continuing my child's play because it's easier that way. I wonder where is your happy place I can think of a couple places. You remember why we were always late or never wanted to go to school in the first place.  We were at that tender age where flowers bloom. Your roses I recently saw dehydrate. I added water because I go to that place, it's where I let young love bloom. Thankful for you throwing fire at my cocoon. Do you still get angry when my sarcasm hits the roof of my tongue? I recently put two and two together and found that deep down you loved it, more than the warm weather. You loved it more than the cozy sweaters. You loved it more than black and red. You loved it so much you refuse to remove it from your bed. I went to bed last night ate cheese fries like I still love them and woke up next to my sarcasm an indescribable amount of soca beats and a memory of your laughter when the sarcasm wasn't coming from me. This time the joke was funny, You said you're a good girl but every man love a freak. My laugh, hysterically taunting "that's why I keep more than one sheet" That's a chuckle only you would get, or maybe not because I tend to be easy to forget. I do remember being your boring friend, alone in the auditorium reading a book or pretending I own the stage back then. Anyway, I did get to the world stage by the way. Sorry, you never came but even better than that. I found this funny thing. Do you remember that song "Celebrate" by Destra Garcia? I never went to any of the parties cause well I was hell-bent on being the best at a new craft I thought I picked up so late in the game but all that aside verse two I hope it drags back some good memories to look to and some healing too

"We riding shotgun, so boy I'll never leave yuh home
You are my husband boy, I splash yuh with blueberry cologne
We need each other like de water wet'n de lawn
There is no other boy and yuh sure yuh cyah get no horn
Say yuh cyah get no horn boy
Words cyah describe how I dying to wave yuh
Boy yuh dunno how bad ah crave yuh
Boy de feelin' of you gracing my hand
Does make me feel to celebrate and jump up in de band"

I know not too many people will agree with me when I say something froze in those lyrics only to be melted for you. Only things you will be able to explain and only things you would need an explanation to but don't forget I love you. I love you, I loved you. I hope you are safe. I hope your mind is still covered in paint. I send my gratitude whenever I need to get on badly.